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Attachment Styles are not Death Sentences
There is much said about attachment theory in modern discourse. The way we attach to caregivers in our early years certainly has important implications for our relational templates throughout our lives but they are not unchangeable. Yes, they are intractable, but many people fuse their attachment style to their identity. “It’s just who I am!“ Much of what we once thought were fixed personality traits are quite malleable. Real talk though- they are stubborn AF and take dedication and conscious awareness and action to change.
The origins of attachment theory are credited to John Bowlby & Mary Ainsworth (1991). Since then, much has been written and in recent years it’s become popularized through mainstream media. It’s a reasonable taxonomy to help us understand the complexities of human relationships. However, as with most concepts in psychology, it is critically important to not become too reductionistic in applying these labels. Human behaviour is so multidimensional and certainly, attachment theory has limitations in trying to simplify humans into contained categories. It’s important to understand the complexities and layers that build our relational patterns; from genetics, culture, hormones, intergenerational patterns, trauma, systemic issues and even astrological or planetary influences. These all weave their ways into a complex tapestry of the human experience. It’s…
